It's an awesome feeling to have the women (and sometimes men) you love the most come together in one place weeks or months before the wedding to shower you love and gifts—some of which you picked out yourself. But pulling together a seamless bridal shower takes planning and foresight, and that requires a host at the helm. We explain who traditionally hosts this pre-wedding party, and what to do when no one steps up to the plate.
The Traditional Bridal Shower Host
The maid of honor traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner. But she isn't a one-woman show: She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of, the girls run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.
The maid of honor isn't the only option, however. Anyone who is close to the bride—including her mother, sister, cousin, grandma, or future mother-in-law—can host.
It used to be that immediate family members were never named as official hosts. Since a shower is all about asking people to bring gifts, it was thought to be gauche if a bride's family were essentially bidding for presents. But if they were secretly hosting, meaning they did the planning and the paying, their identities weren't revealed–and the bridal party was usually called upon to fake being the hosts. Now, though, it's fine for Mom or a sister to plan and host the event.
How to Ask Someone to Host a Bridal Shower
What should a bride do if no one has offered to host a shower? Even though you know no one is obligated to give you one, you're disappointed (and it may especially hurt if you've thrown showers for other people).
First, consider that there may be a surprise shower in the wings. But if you're sure that's not the case and, as time goes on and still no word or sign, you've got to be brave and ask your maid of honor to throw you one. If she's hesitant because it's a money issue and the bridesmaids are strapped for cash, ask your mom or mother-in-law if they are willing to host a shower for you. (You may have to explain the modern etiquette of mom-as-host to them.)
Hosting Your Own Bridal Shower
Although the idea of hosting your own shower—where you can execute your vision down to the last detail—may be appealing, it's generally a no-no, as it comes off as asking for gifts.
Who Pays for the Bridal Shower?
The host plans and pays for the bridal shower. When multiple hosts are enlisted for the duty, they should share the costs of hosting, which also lightens up the financial responsibility put on any one person.
Does the Bride-to-Be Have a Say in the Planning Process?
If asked for your input, it's acceptable to offer ideas or suggestions. Otherwise, sit back and allow your host to plan your shower. With your wedding on the horizon, you likely have enough on your plate.
What to Do After You Choose a Bridal Shower Host
When someone agrees to host your shower, don't expect a big blowout of a party. Actually, why don't you suggest a low-key, informal affair in someone's backyard? They don't even have to serve a meal—it could be a ladies' tea theme with cupcakes and cookies and a variety of hot and cold teas. The whole point of a shower is some pre-wedding girl bonding—and you can do that over a simple tray of vanilla cupcakes just fine.
No matter the scale of your bridal shower, there are a few etiquette rules that stand the test of time. Promptly send invitations with all the details ideally six to eight weeks before the shower. Then, show gratitude to your guests by sending thank-you notes out within 48 hours and up to a month after your shower.
FAQs
The Traditional Bridal Shower Host
Whose responsibility is it to throw a bridal shower? ›
Today, it's common for the maid of honor or matron of honor — sometimes in conjunction with the mother of the bride — to plan the shower. However, the bridesmaids, wedding party, and the bride's family can all pitch in if necessary. Another modern trend is to make bridal showers gender inclusive.
Who is traditionally responsible for the bridal shower? ›
"Typically, the bridal shower is hosted by the mother of the bride, the maid of honor or the matron of honor," Swann says. "Alternatively, the bridal party may come together to host the bridal shower for their friend.
Does the brides mother throw the bridal shower? ›
Traditionally, the mother of the bride doesn't host the bridal shower (the maid of honor typically assumes the chief shower-planning role), however, your daughter will likely want you to be a part of the celebration.
Does the mother of the groom throw a bridal shower? ›
The Mother of the Groom Can Co-Host the Bridal Shower
Tombs says this event is generally hosted by the mother of the bride or the bride's closest friends. If the mother of the groom is very close with the bride, then she may feel as though it's her duty to pitch in, too.
Who is financially responsible for a bridal shower? ›
According to standard etiquette practice, a bridal shower is paid for by the person hosting the event, who, in most cases, is the maid of honor. However, in today's modern-day age, it's becoming quite common for the bridal party, mother-of-the-bride, and even the bride to chip in depending on who can afford what.
Who should not host a bridal shower? ›
Traditional etiquette dictates that the maid of honor—not the mother of the bride—should host the shower. Nancy is a freelance writer for MarthaStewart.com. Some etiquette rules were meant to fade away into oblivion, like the one about family members of the bride not hosting her bridal shower.
What should the mother of the bride not do? ›
Mother of The Bride: How to Avoid Upstaging or Upsetting the...
- Consult with The Bride. ...
- Avoid Being Too Casual. ...
- Don't Make the Wedding About You. ...
- Don't Be Pushy. ...
- Don't Tell Her Who Should Be Her Bridesmaids. ...
- Don't Compare Her Wedding to Others. ...
- Don't Be Too Critical. ...
- Don't Make Empty Offers.
The maid of honor traditionally takes on the role of chief shower planner. But she isn't a one-woman show: She relies on the bridesmaids to help her with planning logistics. On the day of, the girls run the party, making sure everything goes smoothly and that guests are taken care of.
What does the mother of the bride pay for? ›
The bride's parents pay for the wedding dress. They also pay for any other elements of the bride's outfit, such as shoes, veil, hair accessories and jewellery. It's also the responsibility of the bride's mother to accompany her while dress shopping, and help her choose a gown.
Consider heirloom-worthy serveware or a handmade book featuring your family's secret recipes. Alternatively, opt for items she'll likely need for the wedding. Think: a luxurious getting-ready robe, something blue or travel essentials for the honeymoon.
How much money should the groom's parents give as a wedding gift? ›
Bottom line: There's no hard-and-fast rule on how much cash to give as a wedding gift. Wedding experts advise starting at $100. From there, you may want to adjust up to $500 based on factors such as your relationship with the couple, your budget and the cost of your attendance at the wedding.
What does a mother do for her son on his wedding day? ›
The mother of the groom should be involved in selecting music for the mother-son dance—it's her chance to take center stage with her son, after all, so she should have say in the tune chosen for the moment. She should work with the groom to find something that both suits your wedding and speaks to their relationship.
What is proper etiquette for throwing a bridal shower? ›
"You can invite whomever you would like from the wedding guest list. Keep the guest list small and manageable, don't have too many showers, and don't invite the same people to multiple showers," says Gottsman. "If someone is not invited to the wedding, they should not be invited to the shower."
Who pays for bridal shower stuff? ›
Nowadays, the person (or people) hosting the bridal shower are responsible for covering the costs associated with the shower.
What is the mother of the groom supposed to do? ›
Traditionally, the groom's mother will take care of the rehearsal dinner arrangements and help prepare the guest list for the groom's side of the family. Both tasks should be done with both the bride and the groom's input. Any other responsibilities can be negotiated among the families.
