You've been invited to both a bridal shower and a wedding—congrats! It's always nice to know that friends or family members want you to participate in their special celebration and the events leading up to the big day. But one question guests are often faced with is whether you must purchase both a gift for the bridal shower and a gift for the wedding day.
If you're unsure about the proper etiquette around gift-giving during big wedding events, fear not. We ask an industry expert and etiquette extraordinaire all about the difference between bridal shower gifting and wedding gifts—and whether or not both are necessary for guests invited to both of these events.
Should I bring a gift to both the bridal shower and the wedding?
The short answer here is: Yes. Technically, these are two separate events, and traditionally, it is proper etiquette for guests to show up to the bridal shower with a gift, and also purchase a gift for the wedding (this is typically done via a wedding registry, but it's also fine to bring a present in-person to the wedding).
"Since these are two separate occasions, and often the registryfor both is different, sending or bringing a gift to each is appropriate," explains etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, owner ofThe Protocol School of Texas. "It's best to send the wedding gift ahead of time so you don’t have to carry it to the wedding," she notes.
What if I can't afford to bring a gift to both events?
We're no stranger to the fact that being a wedding guest can get very pricey, very fast. Between gifts, buying or renting an outfit, attending pre-wedding events, and travel/accommodation costs, being a wedding guest is expensive—especially when you have multiple weddings a year. If you're feeling like you can't swing purchasing both a bridal shower gift and a wedding shower gift, it's most likely that the marrying couple will understand—your presence is the real present!
If you do find yourself in this situation and want to give the couple a gift for both events, Gottsman recommends dividing your gift budget in half and splitting it between two smaller presents. "It’s all about how you spend your dollars on the gift," she explains. "If you are invited to a shower, it would probably be uncomfortable to show up without a gift, and the same for the wedding," she says. "However, spending a much smaller amount [each gift] and making them sentimental and meaningful—not expensive—is the key."
Should I send a gift to the couple if I can't attend the shower or the wedding?
If you're unable to attend the shower or the wedding (don't forget to RSVP on time!), Gotssman advises that whether or not to still send a gift is a bit nuanced. "It depends on the relationship you share," she says. "If you aren’t a good friend or family member, and you aren’t planning on attending either one (or only attending one), you can just bring a gift to the particular celebration you attend," she explains. "If you are a very close family member or friend, you can decide how you will feel the next time you see [the couple]." By this, she means if you think you'll be stressed about whether they'd notice that you didn't send a gift in lieu of your attendance, you should send one. However, if you think the couple simply won't mind either way, then it's fine to pass on the gift.
If you're not that close with the marrying couple (colleagues, newer friends, etc.) keep in mind that sending a congratulatory card in lieu of a gift is a nice idea. Kind words go a long way!
FAQs
Yes, traditional wedding gift etiquette indicates that if you've been invited to the bridal shower and to the wedding, you should bring a gift to both.
Do you give both a shower and wedding gift? ›
Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Proper wedding gift etiquette states you need to bring a gift to both affairs, but that doesn't mean the two gifts have to be equal in value.
What is the difference between a bridal shower and a wedding shower gift? ›
In contrast to the bridal shower, wedding shower gifts should be items that the couple can use and enjoy together. These are typically taken from the wedding registry, but guests can also choose gifts that speak to the couple's relationship.
How much should you spend on a wedding gift and bridal shower gift? ›
Also, if you happen to be attending multiple events for the couple, consider this as well: you can use the 60-20-20 rule, which means spending 20 percent of your total budget on an engagement party gift, 20 percent on a gift for the bridal shower, and 60 percent for the actual wedding gift.
What is the etiquette for wedding gifts? ›
Send Wedding Gifts Promptly Whenever Possible
And while that is technically still okay, it's best to send big-day presents promptly. Aim to sending your wedding gift within three months—though sending it ahead of the couple's nuptials or bringing it on the day of (if you are giving cash) is always best.
Is $100 enough for a bridal shower gift? ›
As a rule, how much you spend on a bridal shower gift depends on your relationship with the couple. Most experts agree that $50 to $75 is an acceptable amount to spend on a bridal shower gift. Close friends and family members usually spend more than $100 on a bridal shower gift.
What is the etiquette for bridal shower money gift? ›
The appropriate amount of money to give as a bridal shower gift is the same as the amount you would spend on a tangible present: $50–$75. Give the couple what you can comfortably afford within that range. If your budget doesn't quite stretch to the $50 mark, that's okay.
What is an appropriate amount of money to give as a wedding gift? ›
Bottom line: There's no hard-and-fast rule on how much cash to give as a wedding gift. Wedding experts advise starting at $100. From there, you may want to adjust up to $500 based on factors such as your relationship with the couple, your budget and the cost of your attendance at the wedding.
What gift do you bring to a bridal shower? ›
Gifts given at traditional bridal showers should have a focus on what the bride likes, wants, or needs. Common gift ideas include vases, cookware, champagne glasses, sleepwear, fine linens, picture frames, and home decor items. Any items specified on a bridal shower registry fall under this category.
What is bridal shower etiquette? ›
Since showers are intended for the bride's nearest and dearest, every shower guest must already be on the wedding guest list. Because it's understood that guests should bring a present to a shower, it's not appropriate to invite people whom you don't plan to include in the wedding.
Anyone who received a separate invitation from their parents to the wedding should give their own gift. Because a family gift tends to include more people, it is customary to be on the nicer end of the registry, spending in the $200 to $300 range, but, again, stick to what fits within your budget.
Is $500 a good wedding gift? ›
You should expect to spend within this wedding gift range for close family members and dear friends, especially if the gift is coming from you and your wedding date. If it's within budget, spending between $250 and $500 much on a wedding gift is customary for relatives of the couple.
Who pays for a bridal shower? ›
Although once upon a time it was expected that the bride's family would foot the bridal shower bill, modern society has changed the rules. Nowadays, the person (or people) hosting the bridal shower are responsible for covering the costs associated with the shower.
Is it rude not to give a wedding gift? ›
In short, the answer is not necessarily, says Swann—you don't have to give a wedding gift if you ultimately send your regrets. Whether you do or don't send a gift, however, will come down to your relationship with the couple.
Should you give a wedding and shower gift? ›
Technically, these are two separate events, and traditionally, it is proper etiquette for guests to show up to the bridal shower with a gift, and also purchase a gift for the wedding (this is typically done via a wedding registry, but it's also fine to bring a present in-person to the wedding).
Do you give cash or check for a wedding gift? ›
Exactly how to give money as a wedding gift is up to you. A wedding check or cash is always an option, though, nowadays, many couples have a cash registry, like The Knot Cash Funds, to accept money digitally, too.
How much cash should you give for a wedding present? ›
While the amount you should gift a couple depends on a number of factors, the latest available data from The Knot reveals that U.S. wedding guests spent an average of $160 on a gift in 2021. Adjust that for inflation and you're looking at about $187 in 2023. "It's common to give anywhere from $100 to $1,000.
What is the general rule for a gift that is appropriate for a couple's shower? ›
Anything on a couple's registry is fair game, but a good bridal shower gift can also include something that speaks to the couple's interests and style. Are they always hosting dinner parties? Maybe new table linens or glasses are in order.
